Life these days
Life sometimes gets you down and out. It can also make you hit rock bottom. I am not writing this for a pity story. I would also like no judgement or gossiping over it. I just want others to know that there is hope and people do care. Over these past few months I have been struggling pretty bad. I haven't told anyone, because everybody is always just so busy and I didn't want to be a burden. It makes me feel so weak when I try and vent to others. I just feel like the biggest burden ever. I would text my friends and want to talk to them and see if I could maybe vent to them. I would always just never mention it. So, when I started feeling just defeated it caused me to hate life, and I mean literally. I was so miserable and I was at rock bottom. About 2 months ago I began praying God will just kill me in my sleep I was so miserable in my life. It wasn't working, so I decided to begin planning on how I could commit suicide. I had not tell a soul. I didn't want anybody knowing. About 3 weeks ago I had my plan ready, I had not told a soul, I wont go into detail on how I tried. I will tell you it didn't work, I am still struggling with it right now. I have good days and I have bad days. I decided I wanted to get help that one Sunday on November 22, I went to Vanderbilt and had myself admitted for it. I swallowed my pride and did it. I do know I did do the right thing. It was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. At times I do still hate life but I know it will get better. I do know Christ was right there with me and he carried me through treatment. I am now in a partial program so I can learn how to cope with items and not hit rock bottom. I know I have posted several months ago about being bipolar, and so I went on a manic episode. One of the favorite verses I read during the hospitalization was Moroni 7:33.
The journey may be long and scary but I do know I can over come this. If you ever get to that low point I encourage you to reach out. I almost waited to long. Mental illness is a real thing. This process will be long and I know I will have down moments, but with the love and the support of my family and friends I can get through them. I just ask people be patient with me.
I will leave you with this quote " Despite what my mental illness may tell me , I can love myself and my life again.
PS.
The Atonement is real
xoxo,
Emma Lou
